


say it to my face, then

by soulofme



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - To All the Boys I've Loved Before Fusion, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, POV Keith (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-21 00:17:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16148576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulofme/pseuds/soulofme
Summary: I can’t talk to Shiro. I can’t explain that letter. Can’t explain the years I’ve spent pining after him. Hoping, waiting—for something, anything. Shiro and I are best friends.But I’ve always wanted more.





	say it to my face, then

**Author's Note:**

> hi so i usually avoid romance movies like the plague but everyone and their mother was talking about to all the boys i've loved before. 
> 
> so. i watched it.
> 
> and i'm going to scream about it for the next 2000 years so pls have this sheith fics ok thanks bye

“Keith!”

I dig my nails into the center of my palm. The pain grounds me, gives me something to think about other than the way my heart beats like drum in my ears.

Takashi Shirogane stands in front of me, sunlight glinting off his hair like a halo. His eyes are wide and concerned, and the sight of him makes me sick down to my toes.

But I don’t say a word. Not a goddamn thing.

I turn. I run.

And Shiro follows me. Because he runs track. Because he wants to talk to me.

Because he’s got a love letter tucked in his back pocket. _To Shiro, Love Keith_. My worst nightmare, playing out in front of me like a horror film.

Shiro might run track, but I’m faster. I run until I hear his footsteps slow to a stop, until the sound of our fellow classmates doing whatever the hell they’re doing fades away. Only then do I stop, turn around, and look at him.

Shiro has his hands on his hips, squinting as the sun nails him in the eye. He’s sweating like a pig, and some small part of me is thrilled. The part that isn’t waiting for a quick and easy death, anyway.

“Can we talk?” Shiro asks.

Asks, not demands. He’s one hell of a guy. Everybody loves him. Always has. Always will.

After all, Takashi Shirogane is the boy that everyone wants to know. Popular, charming, too nice for his own good. I’ve known him since middle school, when he befriended me because no one else wanted to be friends with a troublemaker.

Not much has changed since then. Everyone still avoids me.

Everyone but Shiro.

But I’ve messed that up now.

Messed it up because I had feelings, feelings I never meant to get.

Feelings I didn’t think I _could_ get.

I can’t talk to Shiro. I can’t explain that letter. Can’t explain the years I’ve spent pining after him. Hoping, waiting—for something, anything. Shiro and I are best friends. But I’ve always wanted more.

More, more, _more_.

I don’t express myself. Don’t care to, either. Hell if I know why I wrote that fucking letter. I was thirteen. Everything you do at that age is fucked, no matter how much you tell yourself you’re old enough to know what you’re doing.

Shiro steps closer to me. I pretend I don’t notice, that I’m not mapping out an escape route. Ten seconds. Ten more seconds, and I can just keep on running. I’ll be rested enough by then. I’ll run until my legs give out.

I’ll run until Shiro forgets all about this.

“Keith,” Shiro says. I hate the way he says my name. Soft. Like he’s talking to a scared animal.

Hell. Maybe he is.

“What?” I bite, with all the venom I can possibly inject into my voice.

“I’m not mad.”

“Great. Good for you.”

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the letter, holding it up in the air between us.

“What is this?” he asks, with all the patience in the world.

“What does it look like?” I ask, my voice cracking. I break eye contact and glare at the line of trees beside us. “You read it, Shiro. You tell me what it is.”

“You never _said_ anything,” he says, sounding awed.

Something bitter pools on the back of my tongue. I swallow that taste down and pretend it doesn’t feel like acid trickling down my throat.

“It would’ve ruined us.”

“You don’t know that!”

“What does it matter?” I ask, stalking towards him. “You have a _boyfriend_. You should’ve never gotten that stupid letter anyway!”

“It’s not stupid, Keith—”

“Then what is it?”

Shiro rakes his hand through his hair, still gripping the letter tight in his hand. I grind my teeth together and cross my arms over my chest.

“Just forget about it, okay? I was thirteen. It was dumb.”

“I can’t just forget about this, Keith. You know that,” Shiro mutters.

The words feel like a knife plunging into my heart. Breathing becomes a task so difficult that my chest physically aches with every bit of air that fills my lungs.

“It didn’t mean anything,” I say. It’s a lie, we both know it, but I can’t do this.

I can’t do this to _Shiro_.

Shiro’s expression crumples then. I can’t look at it, can’t look at _him_. I push past him and take off jogging again. I listen for his footsteps, for him calling my name, for anything.

There’s nothing.

* * *

 

“You’re an idiot,” Pidge mutters, tangling her fingers into my hair.

She's my other best friend. I've known her since we started high school. Coincidentally, her brother Matt is friends with Shiro. Kinda funny how all that works, I guess.

Other than Shiro, she's practically the only other person I can lean on. And since I've probably fucked up whatever friendship I had with Shiro for good, I really need her now.

Thankfully, calling me an idiot is that worst thing she's said tonight. When I told her all about the letter, she hadn't even laughed like I hoped she would. She just pulled me into a hug so tight it hurt and dragged me inside to watch whatever movie she'd been currently engrossed in when I showed up at her door.

The sound of Pidge crunching popcorn fills the room. My eyes are glued to the television, but I have no idea what we’re watching. 

Pidge brushes my bangs away from my eyes. I pillow my arms behind my head and stare up at the ceiling.

“I messed up.”

Saying it out loud hurts like hell. It’s a reminder that whatever friendship Shiro and I had before is forever compromised. I don’t even care how the letter got out. I’m just sorry Shiro had to read it.

“Idiot,” Pidge says again, and I realize that I’ve said it out loud.

“You don’t get it,” I groan, sitting up and shaking my head. “We’ve been best friends for _years_. Years, Pidge. And now…now that’s gone.”

“Do you really think Shiro’s gonna throw you away because of a _letter_?” Pidge asks, rolling her eyes. “You said it yourself. He’s your best friend, Keith.”

“I never expected anything, you know?” I whisper. A lump forms in my throat, something so sudden that I find myself stopping to collect my thoughts. Pidge grabs my hand and I squeeze it hard. “I was happy with whatever he gave me. Just being around him was enough.”

“You love him, Keith,” Pidge murmurs, resting her chin on my shoulder. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Not when he’ll never be mine.”

I don’t look at Pidge’s expression, but I lean into the arm she wraps around my shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “But you’ve gotta talk to him. You know that.”

“Yeah,” I say, taking a shaky breath. “But I’m so fucking terrified.”

“Then do it scared,” Pidge says. “Don’t lose him, Keith. Not when he means this much to you.”

I nod, letting her words sink it. Pidge ruffles my hair until I pin her to the couch with a growl, which quickly evolves into a pillow fight. When we’re flat on our backs, out of breath with our hair sticking up at every angle, Pidge grabs my hand again.

“You’re gonna be okay,” she says.

I want to believe it more than anything.

* * *

 

 

It’s pitch dark by the time I finally make my way home. I park my bike in the driveway and yank my helmet off my head. It tumbles to the ground when I see Shiro sitting on the stoop, head in his hands.

He jumps up at the sound, looking like a deer in the headlights. I shut my bike off and walk towards him.

"Hey," I say.

"Hey," he replies, looking everywhere but at me.

I don't blame him.

“It’s late,” I say. “You should go home.”

“Not before I talk to you,” Shiro says, determined as hell.

I bite the inside of my cheek and shove my hands into the pockets of my hoodie.

“Fine.”

Shiro visibly perks up at that. He reclaims his spot on the porch while I stand in front of him, staring down at the pavement beneath my feet.

“Did you mean it?”

I swallow hard.

“I told you I didn’t.”

“Say it to my face, then.”

My head jerks up. Shiro’s got a brow raised high with expectation. A knot forms in my gut, one that gets tighter with every second that passes.

I can’t. We both know I _can’t_.

“Shiro, don’t do this to me.”

“I’m your best friend, Keith,” he whispers, sounding so broken that I feel like a goddamn _jackass_. “You could’ve told me. You can tell me anything!”

“It’s not worth it,” I say. “You’re with Adam now. I’m not that desperate.”

“Do you hear yourself right now?” Shiro says, jumping to his feet. “You can’t just keep pushing this aside!”

“Why?” I hiss. “It was years ago! What do you want me to say?”

“Everything!” he says, inches away from me. I suck in a sharp breath and Shiro’s expression instantly softens. “I want you to tell me everything.”

“Okay,” I say. My tongue feels like its too thick for my mouth, but I force the words out. “Fine. I’ve been in love with you since we were thirteen. And I knew that I could never have you, but that was fine. You were my best friend, and you trusted me, and that was _enough_.”

“It wasn’t,” Shiro mumbles. “Was it?”

“No,” I say. “I don’t think it ever would’ve been.”

Shiro nods to himself, taking a step back. He drops down onto the porch again. When he pats the spot next to him, I go without a second thought.

“Adam dumped me.”

“Jesus Christ,” I swear before I can stop myself. “Are you fucking with me?”

“No,” Shiro says with a bitter laugh. “He doesn’t think I should go to the Garrison.”

“But you’ve always wanted to be a pilot,” I say, furrowing my eyebrows. “That’s your dream.”

“He was the one who told me choose. Guess he didn’t like my choice.”

“That fucking blows,” I say, picking at a loose thread on my pants. “I’m sorry, Shiro.”

“You know,” he starts, leaning back onto his hands. “Right after it happened, I wondered if you would do the same.”

“What?”

“I know you wouldn’t,” he says, shrugging. “But I got so scared that you’d just…forget about me. Move on. Find someone else.”

“You’re an idiot,” I say, meaning it, and Shiro grins crookedly at me.

The expression quickly fades, though, and a rock sinks into the pit of my gut.

“You’re in love with me, Keith.”

Hearing it from him makes me flinch even though I try to appear unaffected.

“We’ve kinda established that already, haven’t we?”

“I never thought you would’ve wanted me like that.”

“That makes two of us,” I grumble. I feel his eyes on me again and raise a brow. “What?”

“When I got that letter…” he trails off, laughing softly, and I feel myself itching to run all over again. “I thought I was going crazy.”

“That bad, huh?”

“No, not bad,” Shiro corrects, shaking his head. “It was the best thing that ever happened to me.”

My head snaps towards him before I can stop myself.

“You’re insane.” My voice is hardly louder than a whisper.

“You’re my best friend, Keith,” Shiro says, leaning towards me. “But I’ve always wanted _more_.”

More.

More, more, more.

I repeat that one word over and over. Hearing it ten times doesn’t make it feel anymore real, not even with the honest expression on Shiro’s face.

“This is fucking crazy,” I say, just before I crush my lips to Shiro’s.

It’s nothing like I’ve imagined. Our teeth click together and I swear I bite his lips. But Shiro is warm and familiar, and he feels so much like _home_ that I don’t even care how messy it is.

He’s the first to pull away, resting his forehead against mine. This close, I wonder if he can hear my heart beating.

“I meant it,” I say. It’s a useless thing to point out by now, but I’ve gotta do it. I’ve gotta be honest. “I meant every goddamn word.”

“Good,” he says, smiling so wide that his eyes crinkle at the corners. “So did I.”

I can’t help it. I start laughing. Shiro joins me after a few seconds, and eventually I fall back onto the porch. He follows my lead and we just lay there, staring up at the stars above us.

“What do we do now?” I ask, turning to face him.

He throws an arm around my shoulders and pulls me close.

“Whatever you want,” he promises, and seals it with another kiss.


End file.
